Sometimes I don’t want to talk about it,
sometimes I do.
sometimes I want to talk about it,
but not with you. 

Sometimes my head screams,
I just want to yell into the void,
When things get all foggy and dizzied and I can’t do the things I’ve enjoyed.

No sometimes it’s better not to tell you,
Because I tell you too much,
I worry you’ll think I’m always suffering when I’m not.

Though I want someone to see
What it’s like being me,
When I’m broken, weak, and down.
I’m not always the positive person
That I’ve built my façade around

I cry real tears, I spit fire from my tongue.
Yelling at something that I can’t see, or someone.

No I’m not mad at anyone
My only grievance is this:
Why do I have to struggle with this thing I can’t fix? 

I can pop pills for days.
I can have my body sliced into.
I can distract myself from seeing what I don’t want to see…

Though then comes the weight, that rests heavy on my shoulders.
I have to look you in the eye,
And address you and smolder 

You have no right,
To make my life not seem like mine,
make me hide my pain from the world,
And pretend that I am fine.

Sometimes you’re too heavy to carry,
And I look for some help…
Without feeling like a burden, or a victim for asking.

The cruel fate is that this will never end
My relationship with you…
But I’ll be dammed
If you take away love;
Which is my biggest defense against you.
And you won’t
I won’t let you.

So my friends my loves I want you to know…

Sometimes I don’t want to talk about it.
Sometimes I do.
Sometimes I want to talk about it, just not with you.
Though that does not mean, that I don’t love you 

Spread Sunshine

Camille Thoms